20 Months

I have not been as on the ball as I wish I had with posting about Kelti each month. I never ever thought of how fast these months would pass by and how much of a little girl she is turning into each and every day right before my eyes.

 

When I was pregnant, I started a journal to Kelti. Each month I would write to her and tell her how I was feeling, the cravings I had or the kicks I felt. I would tell her how much I loved her and couldn't wait to meet her... I look back on that journal and reminisce. I remember the joy of her every move, the extreme love for someone I had never met, the picture I had in my mind of what she was going to look like, how her voice would sound, how she would smell. I remember the fear of the unknown, the anxiety and emotions (hormones mostly) of becoming someone's lifeline, someone's everything. I was going to be a mom... a mom to a little girl I so anxiously couldn't wait to meet. It brings me to tears as I read though the journal and feel all these feelings I once had. I am so glad I wrote it down.

 

Now... 20 months later... I wish I had been more diligent on doing the same, writing her a letter, telling her how I feel, how I felt. When she was brought home from the hospital, oh I was so scared, and had no idea what to do. How did I feel in that very moment? When she slept through the night for the first time, how excited I was yet how I would wake just to feel her chest move, to hear her breathe. How did I feel in that moment? When she took her first steps, the rush of excitement yet the panic that inset, PUT PILLOWS EVERYWHERE!

So... I am going to write you a letter Kelti... a letter that may mean little now, now that we are currently living in this moment.. but weeks from now, months, years.. I will look back on this letter, about you at this stage and remember the love, the joy, the anxiety, the excitement, the feeling... Love you bumblebee.

Kelti,

Where do I start my little sass-a-frass. You are learning something new everyday! You are the smartest little bug I have ever met. Just this month you started counting to ten. We always tried to count with you but never did you try and copy or pick up on what we were saying. Then one day, while you were with your grandma Lianne you decided to count to ten all by yourself. You even got on the phone, called me (with the help of grandma of course) and counted to ten again so I could hear it. Well now for some reason you are forgetting six but that is beside the point, you are a genius! Now that you know how to count to ten (minus six) you love to play hide and seek. We love watching you with the other kids as you count to ten while tucking your head into the couch cushions so you can't see anything, then running to find them only to hide in that exact same spot when it is your turn. Too cute! We are currently trying to transfer you into sleeping in your own bed. Yes that is correct, you are still sleeping smack dab in the middle of me and your dad, your feet on his back and your head in my armpit. We have moved you to your bed a couple nights this week and you do great! Sometimes  you wake up and walk into our room early in the morning only to finish sleeping in our bed but I am so excited when you do. Honest, you are still in our bed because mommy can't seem to let go, I just love the snuggles way way to much, but I am trying. You are getting such an attitude lately. Whatever Kelti wants, you think you should have. I ask you, "Who's the Boss?" and you respond "Mommy Boss". Well that's step one right?! You can put yourself in timeout (the corner next to the front door). You sit there, play with the entry rug and talk to yourself, then after a minute or so has gone by you yell from the corner, "All Done... Sorry?... Yea...". It is so stinking cute, it is hard to stay firm with you after that. A smile, a kiss and a hug later you are off doing the next messy thing. You love cheese, shredded cheese and proceed to tell us that string cheese or a slice of cheese is no longer good enough. WHAT A MESS! You also love popsicle's, any kind of berry, yogurt, oranges and tomatoes. You love to sing the itsy bitsy spider, the Disney song "Do you want to build a snowman" and twinkle twinkle. You remember the words which just amazes me. You are a fire cracker girly and mommy and daddy love you so much. You are so aggravating one moment and sweet the next, you totally know how to work us. You have our whole hearts and we can not wait to watch as you grow into more and more of a little girl. Though I wish I could stop time because my little baby is growing to quickly. What a double edge sword huh?

 

Love you sweet girl.

Mom